In this season, I have felt so much growth in my life; feeling like I am beginning to scratch the surface of tapping into the goodness of God. I am seeing the fruit of that in my outward life as well: I am shedding my legalism-my religiosity-in favor of a new-found practice for me: rest. Rest in my spirit. Rest that is coming from contentment. Rest in the experience of the love of God. It is truly a freedom that I have not known before. And never have I been so happy.
It is in this place that I will find myself waking up on certain days not feeling like I am accessing that place inside of peace and rest, and I begin to allow fear to creep in. Questions start popping up in my mind. What if I am reverting back to striving and restlessness? What can I do to get back to that place? What am I doing wrong that I feel this way today? I am really finding that questions involving the word "do" and "doing" are usually the wrong questions. They come up in my mind automatically because it is a conditioned response as a person who used to find all of my worth in performance and in doing, doing, doing. I am currently breaking out of the performance mindset. When things become challenging, it wants to rear its ugly head again, and I have to remember that it is in who I am that God takes pleasure. I am valued highly and loved extravagantly and known so openly by a Creator who loves without strings attached. I must seek solace and peace of mind through my active relationship with my Papa, not through trying to tirelessly run through my rituals and disciplines. Those don't bring him pleasure---I bring him immense pleasure!
Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother's womb.
I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I'd even lived one day.
I am a completely normal woman, wife, and mother of three who is re-defining what bravery looks like.
2 comments:
"I am valued highly and loved extravagantly and known so openly by a Creator who loves without strings attached." This is an incredible statement Meggs. Man, what a fantastic post... it's so true that we get caught up in what we do and forget that if we just stood still for the rest of our lives and did nothing but look up and smile at our Daddy, He would be in complete awe!
I admire your heart to live for and please God in everything you do and say (and DON'T do and say). Thanks for being an inspiration in my life sweet, sweet friend.
this is a great reflection Meg. I bet that Lily is helping you to see the Fathers heart more clearly, to accept that fact that He loves you just because your your perfectly unique self!
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