A Little Overwhelmed

Here I stand in the midst of a challenging season.  I am 21 weeks pregnant with my third daughter, which means that I have a toddler and preschooler running around.  My husband and I are in week 4 of leading our first DTS with 37 students and 8 staff from many different nations.  We are planning on leading an outreach to Gh*na for eight weeks, starting around the 1st of April through around the 1st of June.  I, of course, will not be able to go on this outreach for long considering that I will be 29 weeks pregnant when we leave.  As a matter of fact, I may not go at all, which means that I will be apart from my husband for eight weeks.  Eight weeks which just happen to fall at the very end of my pregnancy.  We will graduate our students on June 4th and my baby is due June 13th.  However, both of my children have been born early, (the first was five days early and the second was a week early), so there's no guarantee as to how far I will make it past the graduation date.

I have found myself very tired in these last weeks.  And very lonely.  When we first moved to our new home in our new state, there were two other moms who were my age and had kids around my kid's age.  They have since both moved away to other places and I have found myself without any fellowship with other mothers.  In my past season, I had two girlfriends whom I did everything with.  We would take our kids to the park, take long walks, workout together, have frequent play dates at each other's houses; we really did LIFE together.  We would, quite often, have babysitters watch all our kids while us and our husbands went out and enjoyed time as couples together.  These women became my heart and their kids as well.  They spurred me on toward being a better wife, mom, and a better ME.  I miss them dearly.

I find myself struggling to find myself these days, if ya know what I mean.  I turn to comforts like food instead of allowing my Almighty Father to wrap His arms of grace around me and love me through my loneliness.  I see the inside of my house and not a whole lot else these days.  I can't remember the last time that I exercised regularly and took pride in my body and how beautiful it is.  And I feel that I don't have those precious ladies who have small kids as well to listen to my frustration and encourage me with similar stories and experiences.

My heart is heavy.  Yet, I know, at least in my head, that the God of the universe is so much bigger than all of this.  He can help me through it.  He can bring me the revelation that I need to turn to Him and not the comforts of this world.